Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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