Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
