I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
