regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize