I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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