you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
