If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
