you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
