It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
