I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
