I just saw a hot homeless man
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
