textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
