Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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