I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
