Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize