i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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