; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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