Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
