i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
