i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
