Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize