I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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