Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
