i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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