FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
