Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
