My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
