honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize