I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Randomize
