Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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