dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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