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i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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