He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
