I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
