id be glad to
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
