My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
