All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
