i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
