Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
