why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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