is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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