my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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