1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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