I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize