wakey wakey hands off snakey
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
