Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
