No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
