I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
