omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
