you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
