i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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