you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I am mentally ready for anal.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
