You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
