guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
