dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
