That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
