i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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