If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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