Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
