In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
