Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
