I wish I could punch you in the face.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
