Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
