it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
