she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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