Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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