I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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