I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
