I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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