Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
