I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
